why is is so hard to keep a secret???

you know...for most people this is probably not a big deal...and i can keep secrets...except from will...

i CANNOT lie to him...he knows when i am up to something, and i feel this constant need to tell him when i am up to something, like designing his wedding present...

i pulled it up on screen to look at it yesterday and then i heard the fridge door open...he was standing right beside me...(well, across the counter, but close enough)...and it wouldn't have been a big deal had i just closed the screen and said nothing, since he didn't even notice it, but, no, i have to freak out about how he almost saw this design...

then, we're in the truck going to somewhere, and we're not even talking about it, and i blurt out something along the lines of how i just want to tell him right now what it is, cause i can't keep it a surprise...

i am such a dork... (i have not told him, by the way)

you see, i love surprises...i love getting surprises, i love giving surprises...but the anticipation kills me...i cannot handle knowing a surprise is coming...take christmas, it is not a surprise holiday, but the gifts under the trees are surprises, cause we don't know what's in them...but me, since i was a child, has unwrapped and re-wrapped gifts many times cause i couldn't stand seeing them under the tree and not knowing what was in them...my bro-in-law and i were both caught with our butts sticking out from under the tree last year...

i have already found my christmas present from will...admittedly, i discovered the purchase the same day, and admitted it 2 days later...i promised to forget about it...hasn't happened yet, since i discovered it the first day i came to the new house again...

so, to say the least, i have a hard time with surprises.

any suggestions on how i can keep my mouth shut on the wedding present?